Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I FOUND THE LEGS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
