i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
