Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
