I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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