Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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