Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
