just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
