So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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