I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
