Define "chronic" masturbator.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
