Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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