I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
