So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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