I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
