I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
