More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
