How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize