is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize