ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
