I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize