either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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