Porn is love you can see.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
