I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
