Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
