3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
