my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
