You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What a dumb baby whore.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
