I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
