Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
