Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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