she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
