Me too!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
