Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
