can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
