I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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