well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize