I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
