Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
