Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
