I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
