It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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