hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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