the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
