I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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