"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize