We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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