How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
