ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
