Betty ford says i'm here all night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Help. Why am I so naked?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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