Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
