Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
