You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Houston, we have a blender
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
