sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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