dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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