Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
