Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Your dad touched me again.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
