my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
