found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
