i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
