I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
