I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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