Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
