the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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