2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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