dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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