hell yes lets make some ravioli
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
