I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
