He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
