apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
