is wine microwaveable?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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